• Katie Gooding

Must Ask Questions Before You Decide To Marry Someone

So often, couples enter relationships and go through the process of becoming intimate and end up getting married. Without knowing important facts about each other and seeing how your two life plans align, there is a higher risk of divorce. Rather than risking divorce, understanding where you two align on various issues and choices will allow for healthy discussions that can eliminate future heartbreak and marital issues.


Family and Parenting

For so many people, family and parenting plans will be the basis of what one will look for when it comes to a relationship with another. Especially those who want families, it is an important thing to discuss before you ever commit to an individual. While their answers may change as time processes in the relationship, having a basis of understanding what the person wants in a future in relation to children is extremely important.

  • Do you want kids? When? Adopted, fostering or biological?

  • What are the most important values that we would teach our children?

  • What is your view on education? Private schooling? Homeschooling? Public schooling?

  • Do you want to adopt if there is a chance we cannot have children?

  • How would we handle decisions regarding the children?

  • How often do we visit family?

  • Do you believe in pushing children into a sport or letting them choose their hobbies?

  • What do you believe is the correct way to discipline a child?

  • How many children do you want?

  • Have you thought of possible names for children?

  • Under what church denomination do you want to raise a child?

Marriage and Relationships

When it comes to marriage, there are key things that must be discussed to prevent divorce or separation in the future. From the wedding day to the future, this discussion regarding communication, marriage boundaries, and a healthy relationship will allow have that open communication for the future.

  • If marital problems occur, would you be willing to go to marriage counseling?

  • What is your view on divorce?

  • What are you most worried about and excited for in marriage?

  • How important are anniversaries to you?

  • How can I communicate better with you?

  • How can I honor you better?

  • What is your view on wedding size?

  • What are you giving up for this marriage?

  • What is your view on waiting until marriage?

  • How can we communicate best?

  • Is the timing for marriage right?

  • How will we handle conflict?

  • What does a healthy marriage look like?

  • Do you believe in the 2-2-2 rule?

  • Every 2 weeks, go out for the evening.

  • Every 2 months, go out for the weekend.

  • Every 2 years, go out for a week.

Values and Politics

Especially in a time where politics and one's values dictate most of the conversations in society, a strong discussion over topics that are important to one is needed. So many people will try to avoid the two most important things to pursue a relationship; however, the two most important topics, while controversial, are religion and politics. You cannot have a strong marriage with someone who opposes your values.

  • What is something that you are extremely passionate about?

  • What are your views on birth control?

  • What do you believe about abortion?

  • What do you value the most in your life?

  • Are you registered to vote?

  • Has your political views caused issues within past relationships?

  • Do you consider yourself a liberal, conservative, moderate, or another ideology?

  • Do you believe in being involved in the local community?

  • What kind of charities and organizations have you supported or plan to support?

  • What is your view on pornography? How will your view affect our marriage?

  • What is your view on education?

  • What is your view on gender? How will your view impact raising children?

Faith Walks

As a Christian, there are so many important discussions that one will need to have, especially as God calls us to be equally yoked. When we are supposed to be united as one with God, we need to have a spouse that does align with one's values, especially when it comes to faith.

  • How are you walking with God each day?

  • What do you believe is the role of a husband and a wife in pursuing the Kingdom?

  • How will we minister together to others?

  • What is your view of the Biblical role of submission?

  • What is your view on a Biblical marriage?

  • What is your view of accountability?

  • How do you view various theological issues?

  • The Trinity, Sin Nature, Christ's Deity, By Grace Through Faith, Resurrection, Gospel, Only One Way To Salvation, Heaven and Hell, And Second Coming

  • If the Lord calls us to go anywhere in the world for missionary work, would you go?

  • How do you plan on demonstrating God's love to our future children?

  • What type of church will we be involved in?

  • What is God telling you about this relationship? Have you been praying about it?

Lifestyle and Goals

Having similar lifestyles and goals will allow for easier communication. Especially when it comes to the day to day things, having a similar lifestyle plan and goals will allow for a couple to understand what each other likes and what is important to them.

  • Do you enjoy traveling?

  • What are your career aspirations?

  • What do you see yourself doing in ten years from now?

  • Where do you want to live?

  • What type of home do you want your kids to be raised in?

  • Do you want pets? What type?

  • What determines where we will live?

  • Job? Family? Church? Schools?

  • In a conflict, what method of fight or flight do you typically use?

  • What is deemed as relaxing to you?

  • What are some traditions from your childhood that you want to continue?

  • If you could change something about our current relationship, what would you change?

  • What is a typical schedule of your day?

  • What makes you feel happy and sad?

Health

As one should never base their relationship on health conditions, it is important to understand things that impact their significant other's life. Especially when one is having children, health problems will arise in the conversations with the doctors, so understanding one's medical history and values regarding their health is extremely important.

  • Do you have any family history of health conditions?

  • What would we do if one of our parents become ill?

  • What is your view on mental health treatment?

  • Does anyone in your family suffer from alcoholism? Substance abuse?

  • Do you have health insurance?

  • Have you ever been in an abusive relationship?

  • Do you drink? Smoke? Use Recreational Drugs? Gamble?

  • Have you had any major health issues or surgeries in the past?

  • Do you take any medication?

  • What do you believe about immunizations? How will your views relate to our children's health?

Work and Finances

Especially early on in a relationship and within the marriage, there must be boundaries. Financial circumstances are one of the highest reasons a couple may divorce, so having those boundaries and understanding of what the realistic financial circumstances of your life will be allows for couples to have the hard conversations.

  • How do you feel about debt?

  • Do you believe in a joint account or separate accounts?

  • How well do you budget?

  • What is your view of retirement?

  • Who will take care of the financial matters in the house?

  • How will we handle finances?

  • How much do we plan on having in savings?

  • How do you view on women working when one has children?

  • How much to the church? 10%? More?

  • How do we make big decisions regarding finance?

  • Has your work ever caused a breakup?

  • What is your retirement plan?

  • If your workplace goes against your values as a Christian, what would you do?

  • How do you handle pressure at work and in your daily life?

Miscellaneous Things

Deep conversations to understand where both of you are coming from will be important. Here are a few examples to understand each other.

  • Would your younger self be happy with who you've become?

  • What is your best accomplishment and regret?

  • How do you want to be remembered?

  • What in your past has hindered your relationships?

  • What has been the hardest season in your life?

  • Is there anything you believe that should stay secret in a marriage or do you want things to always be out in the open?

  • How have past relationships affected you?

  • What is your love language?

  • What can be discussed with others and what cannot be discussed with others?

  • What is your view on having close friendships with someone of the opposite sex?

  • What is your view on sex? How does it affect one's marriage?


Having these hard questions will allow for a stronger marriage and clarification what both individuals look for when it comes to a relationship.


Cover Image from Zoriana Stakhniv

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